


Always Second Best, Ignored and Brushed Aside

by Pls_go_away



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, How do you tag lol, Poetic, Sapnap is sad, feeling alone, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28827822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pls_go_away/pseuds/Pls_go_away
Summary: You know that feeling, of being alone despite so many people surrounding you, of screaming into a crowd and getting only echos in return. That feeling that no one truly cares, that you really are on your own.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55





	Always Second Best, Ignored and Brushed Aside

Sometimes I wonder if somehow I’m invisible, if people just can’t see me, because I really feel like I am. It’s a constant thing. You say something, but no one responds because there’s always someone who talks louder or has something better to say. And I just slip into the background, ignored and brushed aside. 

Messages are left on read, and you try to talk at gatherings or on phone calls, but someone always talks louder or quicker. And you reach out to people, but they’re always busy or distracted or with someone else. And people forget to invite you to things or tell you what you’ve missed. 

And you know that they don’t mean anything by it, that it’s most likely unintentional, but it hurts when it’s like you’re not even there. And at first you keep trying to reach out, kept trying to be heard, but eventually you give up. Because it takes so much effort to try, and every time you fail, it’s a heavy blow, and it hurts and you feel like crying more than you already do. 

And you try your hardest not to cry and tell yourself that they’re just busy, that they’ll check in on you or get back to you later. And you hold on to that hope for the next few days, but they never do. So you decide to just try again and tell yourself that this time will be different, because last time they were just busy. Last time they just forgot to respond and they’ll respond, they won’t ignore you this time, but they do. 

And when you finally manage to scream loud enough to be heard you are moved past just as quickly as you’re acknowledged, and that blow, though it hurts less, is just as harmful as not being acknowledged at all. And eventually you give up on trying, because it gets you nowhere. It only drains you and causes pain. It’s better to just suffer the loneliness than be reminded that no one really cares.

And it’s not true. You know that there are people that care, but it’s hard to remember that when they always move on so quickly, to the next topic or the next person and barely spare you a second. It’s so hard to scream loud enough to be heard because there will always be someone louder. There will always be someone who has something that’s more interesting to focus on. 

And as life flows on, you stand there alone and pound on the walls around you trying to get someone to hear, but you’re alone, alone and drowning because you’re overwhelmed and there’s no one to reach out to. They’ve all already moved on, and they're too far away to hear, so you sit and suffer alone. And it hurts, it really does, but what can you do?

And as this loneliness drags you down, you desperately reach out and try to get someone, anyone to hear you, to acknowledge that you're there, but you’ve already faded away and disappeared. 

And your eyes sting with tears and your chest feels way too tight as you force yourself not to cry because it doesn’t really matter all that much. You can move on without them. If they don’t want to respond, don’t want to acknowledge that you’re there, you can just go about your life on your own. And at first that seems easy enough, and you manage for a little bit, and things are fine. 

And then, one day, you’re alone in your room and you choke back tears because it suddenly hits you that you're alone, that there’s no one left that you can reach out to because they’re all too far away. And maybe it’s your fault that you stopped trying to reach out, but who can really blame you when every attempt only ended up hurting you more. 

A person can only take so much, can only bear so many cracks before it becomes too much. And you desperately try to deny to both yourself and everyone else that you haven’t reached that point, that you're still okay, even if you are hurting. And it’s not the truth, but you desperately grasp on to it as if it was because accepting that you’re alone hurts so much more than just being ignored. 

Because if you're ignored, you can always pretend that the people were just busy, that they’ll be there next time, but if you're alone, you have no one to reach out to, no one to help you, and that realisation hurts. It hurts, it really does. And then you’re left alone, and hurting, and you can’t call for help because there’s no one to call out to. 

And life flows on as you fall deeper into this pit of loneliness and give up on getting out because there’s no point in reaching out now. Now, when you’ve reached the bottom of the pit and you're drowning because you spent so long reaching out as you were slipping under the water. They didn’t care enough to answer then, so what makes now any different? 

And you tell yourself that there isn’t any difference because they probably didn’t even notice that you haven’t said anything in weeks. Because they ignore you when you reach out, and they never reach out at all. And you wonder if they were ever really your friends, and not just acquaintances.

Because, if they were really your friends, they should have noticed, they should have cared. They should have noticed and acknowledged you when you reached out. Should have noticed when you stopped, should have made an effort to reach out to you. 

And it’s not really fair to blame them, but you do it anyways because you’re drowning and you’re alone and you’re hurting. And you're lashing out, even if there’s no one left to lash out at, so you do it by yourself because being mad at them is better than being mad at yourself, because you’re already alone, already sitting in the dark and crying and not making any effort to fix the situation. Because in your eyes, there’s nothing left to fix.

**Author's Note:**

> Sapnap angst? Yes, yes it is. Kudos and comments are appreciated (:


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